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Flunking Out
Pop quiz time — what’s the definition of habeas corpus? The homeland safety secretary, Kristi Noem, fumbled the reply to this query throughout congressional testimony on Tuesday, and “The Day by day Present” was not about to let it slide.
“If Kristi Noem was only a random individual on the road, I’d get it if she was, like, ‘Habeas corpus? That’s a Harry Potter spell, proper? Makes you invisible?’” Ronny Chieng mentioned.
“However the secretary of homeland safety ought to know that habeas corpus prevents the president from deporting you with out due course of, not that it lets the president deport you with out due course of. That’s the other of what it means! And I didn’t know you may have dyslexia for legal guidelines.” — RONNY CHIENG
“A actuality TV present for citizenship is in some way probably the most un-American and most American factor I’ve ever heard of. Though we have already got a contest to show who’s probably the most American, and it’s known as the Nathan’s sizzling canine consuming contest. What’s extra American than consuming till your colon explodes after which going bankrupt from medical payments?” — RONNY CHIENG
“It is perhaps a nicer approach to get deported. As a substitute of I.C.E. brokers disappearing you up in unmarked autos, Ryan Seacrest walks into your front room with a TV crew, and is, like, ‘Carlos, we’re taking you out of the united statesA.” — RONNY CHIENG
“Kristi Noem, you continue to don’t know the fundamentals of American legislation, so I’m sorry to say, we’re going to must take you out of U.S.A.” — RONNY CHIENG
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